Our culture demands that we think in a linear fashion. In my corner of the world, the linear formula to happiness sounded something like, “go to school, get good grades, get into college, get a job, get married, have kids, get a better, job, better car.” While you’re at it, don’t forget to wear a smile, because there’s approximately one acceptable emotion, and it should sound like “I’m fine!”
However, this way of thinking doesn’t take into account life’s unpredictability, not to mention the incredible complexity of being a human, with its vast array of emotions, experiences, and phases. Basically, linear thinking doesn’t think to incorporate reality.
I think that the last two months have been a pretty stellar example of life bursting our bubble of disillusioned control. The daily routines we’ve clung to have been altered, the distraction of busyness has been put on hold and we’ve been forced to turn inward.
We have been forced to be with ourselves in a unique way. I, for one, have never felt so intimately aware of the paradoxes of my emotions. One moment I’m feeling grateful and free, the next I’m feeling worry and agitation. There are beautiful heroic acts being shown by our front line workers and people going out of their way to spread kindness, juxtaposed with disturbing headlines and hateful Facebook comment wars.
It’s no surprise to me that parents are reporting that their children are displaying new (sometimes unpleasant) behaviors, unusual sleep patterns, or developmental “regression.” They are grieving the safety of their routines, just like we are. Missing their friends, teachers and neighbors, just like we are. They feel happy and scared and confused all in one day, just like we are.
Allison Gunta, Speech Language Pathologist and mother of two under two, says “All behavior is a form of communication. Think of all the odd things we as adults are doing – I don’t even eat bread but I read about baking bread for an hour today… I just give them grace. I don’t bring attention to it. This too shall pass.”
To your children, to your spouses, to yourselves:
give them grace,
give them grace,
give them grace.