Did you know that the second Friday in January is known as “Quitter’s Day”? This is because—you guessed it—research shows that a significant number of resolution-setters quit within the first few weeks, with less than half of individuals achieving their goals in the given year.
The Centre for Clinical Psychology in Melbourne, Australia shared a few factors that may contribute to the ineffectiveness of New Year’s resolutions: vagueness, unrealistic expectations, lack of accountability and lack of planning.
Let’s touch on the expectations part. A missing piece of the puzzle for many of us is the fact that our nervous systems hate change. So, we find ourselves in a push-pull of expectation for implementing the changes we want to make, and the reality of how our brains instinctively respond to change.
If this is new to you and you want a deeper dive at the nervous system, check out this article from Cleveland Clinic. Nervous System: What It Is, Parts, Function & Disorders.
Put simply, the nervous system is our wiring for survival; it’s how we respond to safety or danger. It drives our conscious and unconscious behaviors—how we think, react, eat, and move.
To our survival system, familiar = good, change = bad. Hence the popular phrase, “we’d rather live in a familiar hell than an unfamiliar heaven.”
What we mean is, our nervous systems would rather stick with hell. Meanwhile, our chatty minds criticize are inability to follow through with changes.
The three main “states” of regulation, according to Polyvagal Theory, are dorsal vagal, sympathetic, and ventral vagal.
Dorsal vagal is your system when it perceives it is in most danger—think animals playing dead. Here we’d put the freeze response. Examples of dorsal vagal may be more depressed feelings, having difficulty getting out of bed, feeling numb, dissociated, or stuck.
Sympathetic state is fight or flight energy; high stress, anxiety, unsettled.
Ventral vagal is your system feeling relative safety. Here, you feel enough safety and ease to connect socially and engage in the present moment.
Consider investigating your nervous system patterns alongside goal setting. From this place of understanding, you can support yourself with more compassion, grace and accountability. Below is a resource I received from a Polyvagal Training with Deb Dana in 2024. This tool is called “nervous system mapping;” there are many other versions online!
I’d love to hear how it goes!
Dorsal Vagal State (Depressed, immobilized, collapsed) – least regulated
Signs you are dysregulated:
Triggers/examples:
Beliefs in dorsal vagal:
I am......
The world is....
People are....
Sympathetic State (Anxious, mobilized, fight or flight)
Signs you are dysregulated:
Triggers/examples for this state:
Beliefs in sympathetic:
I am......
The world is....
People are....
Ventral Vagal State (Safe, connected, present, flexible) – most regulated
Signs you are regulated:
Examples/anchors/tools for this state:
Beliefs in ventral vagal:
I am......
The world is....
People are....
Additional questions:
What are the body sensations, behaviors, feelings, beliefs that emerge in each state? What happens to my sleep, relationship with food, and use of substances in each state?